Can EMDR Help If I Can’t Remember My Childhood?
You don’t need to remember everything to heal.
You know some bits and pieces. More or less, you know that your childhood was bad. It was so bad, in fact, that when you try to think back on it, it all feels a little fuzzy and hard to focus on.
Maybe you have some idea of the context, but mostly everything before age 12 is a haze…
You want to heal—but how can you possibly heal from childhood trauma when you can’t remember what happened?
Your gaps in memory from childhood aren’t just “weird” or random. They’re often a sign your nervous system did exactly what it was supposed to do to protect you—block it out so it’s not so… vivid.
And yes—EMDR can still help.
Why You Might Not Remember Much of Your Childhood
When you grow up in chaos—whether it was neglect, emotional immaturity, enmeshment, or outright trauma—your brain shifts into survival mode.
Your brain’s default strategy?
Dissociation.
Not storing the memory in the first place.
Keeping you safe by not letting you feel it all while it was happening.
It’s not always about dramatic “repressed memories.” Sometimes it’s just that your brain didn’t register events in a linear, story-like way. There wasn’t enough safety to process what was happening, so it skipped that step entirely. It’s still there—just not processed or sorted into a coherent narrative.
What Do Blocked Memories Actually Look Like?
Even when you can’t remember, the trauma lingers in your body and communicates to you in ways other than visual memories.
As an EMDR Therapist in Oakland, CA, Clients often come to me saying things like:
“I feel numb and disconnected, like I’m watching my life happen to me.”
“Certain smells or tones of voice set me off, but I don’t know why.”
“I freeze when people get too close—even people I like.”
“It’s like something happened, but I can’t access it.”
“I feel like something bad happened, but I just can’t place it.”
Not all memories of the trauma come back visually. These are signs of implicit trauma—meaning your body and emotions remember, even if your mind doesn’t.
How Does EMDR Help If I Don’t Know What Happened?
This is the magic of EMDR: it doesn’t require a full narrative to work.
Instead of needing a clear memory, we start with what is accessible—
A body sensation.
A belief like “I’m not safe” or “I don’t belong.”
An image or emotional flash.
Even just a vague sense of dread.
From there, EMDR helps your brain link these pieces together and process the stuck material—without forcing you to relive anything or “recover” memories.
Occasionally, EMDR might create more clarity around once hazy memories, but you don’t need the full story of what happened to actually heal. Your brain knows exactly where it needs to go to heal- EMDR allows your brain to finally file away what it couldn't process back then.
EMDR + The Parts of You That Remember
Sometimes, we work with parts of you that carry the emotional burden of the trauma—even when you don’t consciously “know” what happened.
That anxious part.
That shut-down part.
That inner child who still feels invisible.
In my practice, I blend EMDR with Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help these parts feel heard and supported. You might not have the full picture, but by giving these parts of you space to be fully heard, seen, and witnessed, they can release the intensity of what happened.
Healing Isn’t About Reconstructing the Past—It’s About Feeling Safe in the Present
The goal isn’t to dig up every painful detail. It’s to help your body and mind know:
It’s over. You’re safe now.
Sometimes, that looks like stuff coming up that fits into a coherent narrative of what happened. But other times? It doesn’t always make sense logically—but your body can feel a release. Something is different. Things feel lighter, easier, more peaceful.
Ready to Heal—Even If You Don’t Remember The Full Story?
You don’t need all the answers to get started.
If you're ready to work with the feelings, patterns, and parts that are surfacing now—even without a clear memory—I offer EMDR Intensive Therapy in Oakland, CA, designed for exactly this kind of deep, focused healing.
You’re not broken because you can’t remember. Your body and mind were doing their best to keep you safe, using the strategies they knew how to use. You can teach your brain that it’s okay to release what’s no longer working for you.
