Top 5 Myths about Couples Therapy
So, you and your partner have been thinking about starting couples therapy- but keep hitting the brakes. You’ve found a list of therapists that seem nice enough, but actually getting started with the process hasn’t felt quite right.
You probably have a ton of questions- that is completely normal. With so much information out there about couples therapy, it can be confusing and a tad overwhelming to get started.
As a couples therapist in Oakland, CA, here are a few common myths I often hear from partners starting couples therapy.
Couples Therapy Myth #1:
“People only go to couples therapy when their relationship is failing- they’re about to break up or get divorced”
Couples therapy can help prevent breaking up or getting divorced- and getting started earlier at the first sign of difficulty helps prevent the conflict in the relationship from escalating. Getting support early on can be like preventative medicine. Waiting for the injury or conflict in your relationship to intensify to the point where you need intensive interventions creates more work and effort to mend the disconnection in your relationship.
Couples Therapy Myth #2:
“If we go to couples therapy, I am just going to get blamed for everything”
Couples therapy will not necessarily feel comfortable. A skilled couples therapist will support you in understanding the cycle of disconnection in your relationship in a gentle, compassionate manner that shouldn’t feel like you are being blamed. Your therapist will guide you to look at this cycle of disconnection, which sometimes will mean looking at your role in the cycle (as well as your partners). This guidance should feel supportive and helpful, gently allowing you to learn about where you get stuck in your relationship in order to help move past that point of disconnection.
Couples Therapy Myth #3:
“Our relationship is too far gone- therapy won’t help!”
If you are both invested and willing to work hard on your relationship, your relationship has a good chance to mend. Couples that are successful in therapy often are open-minded to learning about their partner’s perspective and are committed to staying consistent in working on their relationship.
Couples Therapy Myth #4:
“Couples therapy will fix our relationship”
Therapy doesn’t fix relationships. Therapy does help guide you to understand your and your partner’s emotional needs within your relationship. This provides an opportunity to learn how to meet each other’s needs, which lessens conflict, and helps build a stronger connection.
Couples Therapy Myth #5:
“It’s not worth it- It’s going to take a lot of time and money”
It can take some time, emotional labor, and financial investment to be successful in mending your relationship through couples therapy. Some couples find that they need a few months of therapy to get to a place where their connection feels solid, while others may take over a year. Couples that graduate from couples therapy often find their relationship more satisfying and therapy worth the investment.